Warning, long text incoming. This article is very detailed guide from the very first approach to getting dates and taking things to bedroom. It includes example conversations and opening lines you can use, either in bars or daytime. Hopefully you find this article helpful!
How to Cold-Approach?
If you are not aware of the term cold approaching, it means approaching a girl you’ve never talked before and she hasn’t shown any sign of interest on you before. Warm approaching instead means approaching a girl you have had some connection before.
In this article we are going through how to effectively cold-approach women and possible get her back to your place for sex.
I myself started this all, getting over the shyness and turning myself from kissless virgin to player by cold approaching. It was before Tinder existed, so cold approaching was my way to go. Started on clubs and bars, afterwards went on streets and shopping malls. Clubs/bars are still the best place to pick up girls. First it was scary and made me anxious, after I got used to it, it felt a great. Always got a high of adrenaline rush that cold-approaching a hot girl and flirting with her gave.
If you already haven’t read my background story and you are interested about how I “made it”, read it here: Brad’s story from shy guy to Player (Opens on new tab so you can read it after you have finished this article)
So how to cold approach?
I’m not going to teach you some bullshit, complicated pattern that none can understand, like you have to approach her from 70° degree angle, touch her shoulder to make you look like alpha and open with some cringe pick-up line.
I’m going to teach you natural and effective way to pick up women.
It all starts with direct approach:
Simply, you see a woman you are interested, just go on her and open with something like “Hello, you are cute, my name is ….”. If she is sitting on table at bar, go sit next to her.
If she is walking on street, keep walking towards her. You don’t need to stop her when she’s walking. You can walk with her and keep conversation flowing at the same time.
I know it’s scary as f@#k if you have never done this before. That’s why I have created the program that will get you to rid of that fear. You can get it here.
Anyway, what is the worst possible scenario you can get by approaching a random woman?
You get rejected.
It’s not a big deal. Everyone get rejected at some point. Even good looking guys.
After you can handle getting rejected, not being afraid of them, you are free to do whatever you want. That’s why I highly recommend to do that program I mentioned.
Become immune to rejections
Rejections. These are the main reason for most men to not get risk and approach a girl.
Rejections are frightening. You may think in your head all possible outcomes the approach may lead. She may brutally reject you like “Get the f@#k off”. These visions in your head are stopping you to take a risk and approach.
What if you would completely feel free of all these fears? Imagine how it would feel if you wouldn’t feel the fear of getting rejected anymore? Killing all the fear.
It’s amazing feeling, and that mindset can be acquired. It requires a effort in field, experience will teach. And the first step is to face your fears. Approach. Don’t think about outcome. You can’t predict future. What is about to happen, will happen. You can’t do anything about it, so don’t stress about it. All the visions in your head are only imagination, not real. The reality only appears after the approach. Either it’s good or bad, a real warrior is not afraid of anything. He doesn’t fear outcome, he’s ready to go and face the fears. Fear is there to be faced and beat.
How to deal with rejections?
Rejections are part of the game. Everyone get rejected. Even good looking guys get rejected. You should not take these rejections personally. Some women will reply with “F@#k off” to anyone who approach when they are on bitchy mood. Some will be polite.
However they reply, it doesn’t matter. Reason for rejections is more likely something that won’t have anything to do with you. Like she has just started dating a guy she have fell love in and don’t want new guys at the moment. Or she has a boyfriend she’s loyal to. Or she’s just bad mood, something bad happened lately and she will be impolite for everyone. Or she’s just on bitchy mood all the time and will f@#k off anyone. So don’t take it personally, as it’s more likely something like that than you.
And even if they wouldn’t be attracted to you, so what? You can’t please everyone. Just go for next one. Everyone are attracted to different types of persons, both men and women. If the girl that rejected you wasn’t attracted to you, the next girl you approach may find you very attractive. I have those type of stories, I’ve probably written them here already. But I approached a girl at bar who replied “F@#k off”, and I wen’t straight to the next one who was instantly attracted to me and we made out in minutes.
You can’t never know what happens when you go for it. It can be trash or gold, but if you never find out, you get nothing back. To fight against these visions of getting rejected, don’t think about future. Don’t think about past. Think now, this moment.
It’s always numbers game. Always. You have to deal with it that there will be some harsh rejections, there will be polite refuses, and there will be girls who will be attracted to you. It’s just being in right place in right time. To boost the factors, just approach until you get there. F@#k the rejections, pass them.
I myself get success after average every 10 approaches. So I face 9 rejections in default. Can be more of course. I don’t give f@#k about them, I know that I will get rejected, but I move on and finally at some point there will be a gold after trash.
If you are in your early twenties, there is 10 years from 20 to 30. That’s 520 weeks. Which means 520 weekends. Every weekend you decide to not go out there because of the fear, you are missing opportunities to be in right place in right time. You are missing the experiences that life could be offering, because the fear is blocking you way. The fear is nothing. It’s all in your head. It’s bad fantasy. Face it, and you see it won’t hurt you. It’s only way to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
520 weekends, would you spent them with girls, or at home?
Does pickup lines matter?
The way you approach doesn’t matter. I have done so many approaches with so awkward way and still got laid, that no need to take a stress either you approached her with wrong angle or too creepy way. It’s the first minute you make an impression on her, that’s the time she decides either she would f@#k you or not.
If you do some awkward opening, you can make a joke of it and laugh with her on it, like “haha sorry this was probably creepiest approach I ever done, not usually do like this but you were too irresistible and I hadn’t better way to get conversation with you”.
I’ve done an approach at bar from climbing behind the sofa between the girls, and not getting rejected. Also I’ve seen girls with police uniforms on bars, and just go on them, take them handcuffs on my and her wrist and say something like “Sup, now we need to be together this whole night”. I’ve seen girls when they are going on toilet and open them with: “Are you going to take a shit?”, and still got laid.
So opening line is not so important as said above. It’s about the vibe you give and how ballsy you can be. If you can keep the conversation on first minute, be funny and playful, and she don’t reject you, you are doing good. After this point it’s up to you where you take things.
What about multiple girls?
Let’s say two girls are sitting at bar on table. You go to sit on table and say: “You both are hot. Can I sit here for a moment?”. If they don’t reject, you are good to go. If they reject, you can just leave and laugh “okay haha sorry no problem”. Don’t get pissed off if you get rejected. Just ignore them and go for next girls. Even if you get rejected brutally.
I remember nights where I went on girl and she replied “F@!# off”, go straight to next girl near and make out with her on minutes. The look on the face of girl that just rejected me was worth seeing. Showing some pre-selection, afterwards she tried to approach me. I of course rejected her and f@#ked the girl later I picked up.
Also, you don’t even need to open with all of the girls on that group, either there was 2, 3 or more. You can approach a one of them you are interested and keep conversation for few minutes, after that you can go talk with her friend and say something like: “I really like your friend, does it bother you if I take her from you?”. A playful way of course.
Is it creepy to approach from behind?
If you do this on street, yes, it is a creepy way to approach. Not meaning it won’t get you anywhere. Example:
approach from behind
Me: “Hello, how are you?”
Girl: frightened and confused look on her face.
Me: “Sorry if I scared you, was a pretty creepy way to approach you, just wanted to say you are cute”
Girl: “Haha no problem. I thought who are you, have we met before”
Me: “haha, I’m just a stranger and this is very random, I rarely do this. My name is btw ….”
Girl: “Okay, nice to meet you I’m …”
Me: “I don’t wanna bother you anymore, but i like you and maybe we can go coffee or something? can i get your number?
It’s important on daytime doing these kind of approaches to compliment her. Also make these kind of approaches quick, and go for point like getting a number. Also in this kind of situation you can be a polite like on above example. Don’t need to take a macho mode. Also stating that it’s random and awkward make her more to relate with you.
At bar it’s a different, there you can and must have the playful mood.
There are no rules
These above were just examples of how the conversations can start and how they can continue. Just making a clear that the opening line doesn’t matter. If it’s awkward approach, even it doesn’t matter. It’s just about getting enough courage to go for it. Easier said than done. It comes along with experience after doing enough approaches. But the point is, you don’t need to take a stress if you did a bad or good approach, that resulted something. It’s not about the way you approach that gets you rejected or laid, so you can open the way you want.
How to ask women’s phone numbers?
Some basics if you are not sure about what is the right time, or how to ask for a phone number.
A few points I would like to write down about getting phone numbers:
- For getting a phone number, either it was off tinder or in real life, you don’t need to have a long, deep conversations with her. I have had tinder conversations starting like “your number?”. And she gave it. Also I’ve done some cold approaches less than minute and successfully got number. There is no time limit how long you should connect with her before asking it.
- Phone numbers are only for setting up for date. There is no need for having a deep conversation via text to build attraction with her. Save those conversations for dates, so you haven’t already talked about everything!.
Phone numbers via pickup
Personally I don’t like getting phone numbers and setting up dates, as I liked more to get straight action aka instant dates or lays. Anyway, I still have a lot of experience on phone numbers and text game. I used to do it on complex way, and then I learned to do it simple way.
A complex way was basically this: I cold approach a girl on daytime, try to have a awkward conversation and some techniques to make her attracted to me. Must have a minimum of 5 minutes of talking before it was okay to ask for number. I rarely had success with this method, as it’s pretty hard to have a long conversation with strangers on street.
Then someday I tried the simple method out of frustration: go talk to girl, compliment her and ask for a number in less than 30 seconds of meeting. For my surprise it worked. Immediately stopped the complex way. No more bullshit techniques, just simple conversation like this:
Me: “Sorry if I scared you. Just wanted to say you are cute”
Her: “Haha thanks”
Me: “I know you are hurry and this is pretty random, but would you like to have a coffee or something someday?”
Her: “That would be nice”
Now put your phone in her hand and say:
Me: “Put your number here, I’ll text you later”
She puts number.
Me: “Was nice to meet you, have a nice day!”
Her: “You too!”
In the most simple way it goes no harder than this. This is a quick and effective way for doing a cold approaching and getting numbers.
Phone numbers via Tinder
One important thing on Tinder is that you are asking the number as soon as possible. Conversations don’t have to be funny or playful. I’ve gotten laid most off Tinder just having a normal conversation (even I’ve had tried many different methods) like this:
Me: “hello, how are you?”
Her: “good. you?”
Me: “just chilling at home. What kind of company are you looking for off tinder?”
Her: “Nothing serious, just looking what kind of people here is”
Me: “Okay, me too”
Now you can ask for her job or school or hobbies, but you can also ask straight for number.
Me: “you wanna meet someday?”
Her “would be nice”
Me “What’s your number? will text on whatsapp”
Just some simple conversations like that.
Next step is turning the phone numbers to dates and sex.
How to turn phone numbers to dates and dates to bedroom
So now you’ve picked up a girl and got her phone number. And now you are stuck about what to do. Should you call her? Should you text her? What you should say?
Answer to these questions are right here.
Firstly, forgot the calling unless you had instant date with her after you met. If it was just few minutes of talking and then changing phone numbers, it’s creepy to call. Would you be freaked out if some stranger you talked a few minutes would call you? Texting is much easier. Nothing to take a pressure.
What I like to text usually is something like “Hi, it was nice to meet you. Would be great to go coffee or something someday”. Usually the answer is like “Ye it was nice. We should go someday”. After this you ask for when she would have time to meet. The sooner the better. If it’s more than one week, it probably isn’t going nowhere. Here is example dialogue how it would go, as I hadn’t idea when I was inexperienced:
Day you got her number
Me: “Hi, it was nice to meet you. Would be great to go coffee or something someday”
Her: “Ye it was nice. We should go someday”
Me: “When are you free?”
Her: “I’m free at Tuesday”
Me “Okay, lets meet then. I’ll contact then”
There is no more required to text at this point. Just setup the date and on that day contact again. You can still text, but it can ruin whole thing. I used to text lots after getting number and she flaked on date day as I was too desperate.
Day you go on date
Me: “Is 5pm ok?”
Her: “Yes. Where we meet?”
Me: “Come to shopping mall near central. I’ll call when there”
After you meet her, try to break the ice as soon as possible so you both can ease up. First thing after you meet her, go and hug her and say something like “You look good”. This way you will get physical right from the beginning. Don’t handshake. That what friends do, you don’t wanna get on friendzone.
Next you say the place you would like to go, was it coffee or beer. I prefer beer, as alcohol loosen up both and makes it easier to connect. Also it’s easier to get laid on first date when having beer than having a coffee. If you choose to take a alcohol, don’t go some lousy bar/club. It will end up disaster. Just some chill pub where you can drink few beers and chill out.
On alcohol dates it’s much easier to escalate than on coffee dates. On coffee dates it’s just awkward to go sudden for kiss. I’ve done this but we both felt uncomfortable. So it’s not good idea. Save making out outside of coffee shop. In bar it’s okay.
Coffee dates are more like knowing each other and having good conversations. You should make a good impact on her then, as they are unlikely to lead in lay. There is no time limit how long they should last. Right now I can’t remember coffee date that lead to lay, as I started to only go for alcohol dates after realizing that they are much funnier and go somewhere unlike coffee dates. Skip these next paragraphs if you go for alcohol date.
Date on coffee shop
If you chose a coffee date, be prepared that it won’t lead sex on that day. If this happened, on third date you should choose a place where you are able to have a sex. Was it your place, her place, your car etc.
Example text dialogue for this:
Sometime after first coffee date
Me: “When are you free to hang out?”
Her: “Tomorrow. What would you like to do?”
Me: “Okay, lets think it tomorrow”
Date 2 day
Me: “I’m so tired after hard day off work, would you just wanna come over my place and chill?”
Her: “That’s ok. 6pm ok?”
Me: “Yep. Come to [insert address]. Call when here”
Date at Bar
If you choose alcohol date as a first date, there is most likely non need for anymore dates, as an alcohol dates are easy to turn same day lays. Just escalate on bar and be playful, here is guide if you don’t know how to. After a few beers you can ask she would like to go chill on your/her place. If she accepts, skip next paragraph.
If she don’t wanna go to your/her place after a few drinks, she won’t have a sex today. It doesn’t mean she is not attracted to you, there can be many reasons why she won’t come this day, like she is on period, she don’t wanna look ‘cheap’ as having a sex on first date, she’s just not on mood etc. Some girls are going to have a sex on first date, some won’t. It has nothing to do with you if the date went well. Anyway don’t piss off that and take it easy, try to the next date on your place like written on coffee 2 date.
At your/her place
It’s good to have some alcohol at your home, so you can offer a drink for her. Not necessary though. Anyway, it’s best to escalate as soon as possible. Go on sofa and grab her to you. You can watch TV. If you haven’t made out with her yet, now its time to do it at least. Slowly start kissing her, making it more intense. Start rub her pussy slowly, if she rejects, just laugh and say “sorry i was going too fast”. Take steps back and continue chilling at sofa. Try again later. If she don’t reject, then just undress her and do as your instincts says.
Now the game changes. If you had a great sex and she enjoyed it, she is most likely to take a contact with you later and wanting to meet again. Make sure that you go to place where you can have a sex again. If you are interested and would like to start dating her, read here what to do after this to possibly make her as a girlfriend or f@#kbuddy. Anyway, the first time you have a sex is very critical point how it’s going to continue afterwards. Even if it didn’t went well, it’s not always game over. I’ve had times I was too wasted and didn’t get properly hard dick, sex wasn’t good, but then I got another opportunity and we had a great sex on next time and dated sometime after that.
How to retain women’s interest after having sex a first time
Check out this post. It’s detailed post about what to do if you are interested in dating her more.