Below is Complete guide how to Effectively Cold Approach Women.
Warning, long text incoming.
This article is very detailed guide from the very first approach to getting dates and taking things to bedroom.
This article includes example conversations and opening lines you can use, either in bars or daytime.
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What is Cold Approach?
If you are not aware of the term cold approach, it means approaching women you’ve never talked before, neither she hasn’t shown any sign of interest yet on you before.
Warm approaching instead means approaching woman you have had some connection before.
In this article we are going through how to effectively cold approach women anywhere and get her back to your place for sex.
If you want to get more out of this guide, take a read 50 Tips for Better Success with Women.
I myself started this all, getting over the shyness and turning myself from kissless virgin to player by cold approaching at Nightlife.
It was before Tinder existed, so cold approaching was my way to go.
I started at Nightclubs and Bars and afterwards I went to streets and shopping malls. Clubs/bars are still my favorite and the best places to pick up women if you are aiming to get laid quick.
If you already haven’t read my background story and you are interested about how I “made it”, read it here: Brad’s story from shy guy to Player
So How To Cold Approach and Keep Conversation Flowing without being Creepy?
I’m not going to teach you some bullshit, complicated pattern that none can understand, like you have to approach her from 70° degree angle, touch her shoulder to make you look like alpha and open with some cringe pickup line.
I’m going to teach you natural and effective way to pick up women.
It all starts with direct approach:
Simply, you see a woman you are interested, just go on her and open with something like “Hello, you are cute, my name is ….”. If she is sitting on table at bar, go sit next to her.
If she is walking on street, keep walking towards her. You don’t need to stop her when she’s walking. You can walk with her and keep conversation flowing at the same time.
I know it’s scary as f@#k if you have never done this before. That’s why I have created the program that will get you to rid of that fear. You can get it here.
Anyway, what is the worst possible scenario you can get by approaching a random woman?
You get rejected.
It’s not a big deal. Everyone get rejected at some point.
Even good looking guys.
After you can handle getting rejected, not being afraid of them, you are free to do whatever you want. That’s why I highly recommend to do that program I mentioned.
Become Immune to Rejections. Part of the Art of Cold Approach
These are the main reason for most men to not get risk and approach a women.
Rejections are frightening. You might think in your head all possible outcomes the approach may lead.
Brutal Rejections are the Worst… Until you learn to not give F#@k
She might brutally reject you like “Get the f@#k off”. These visions in your head are stopping you to take a risk and cold approach.
What if you would completely feel free of all these fears?
Imagine how it would feel if you wouldn’t feel the fear of getting rejected anymore? Killing all the fear.
It’s amazing feeling, and that mindset can be acquired. It requires a effort in field, experience will teach.
And the first step is to face your fears.
Go for it. Cold Approach. Don’t think about outcome. You can’t predict future. What is about to happen, will happen.
You can’t do anything about it, so don’t stress about it. All the visions in your head are only imagination, not real.
To make it easier, learn to “Not Give a F#ck“. This article helps you to achieve “IDGF” Attitude.
The reality only appears after the approach.
Either it’s good or bad, a real warrior is not afraid of anything. He doesn’t fear outcome, he’s ready to go and face the fears. Fear is there to be faced and beat.
How to deal with rejections?
Rejections are part of the game.
Everyone get rejected.
Even good looking guys get rejected. You should not take these rejections personally.
Some women will reply with “F@#k off” to anyone who cold approach when they are on bitchy mood.
Some will be polite.
However they reply, it doesn’t matter.
Take it Personal? F#ck No.
Reason for rejections is more likely something that won’t have anything to do with you. Like she has just started dating a guy she have fell love in and don’t want new guys at the moment.
- has a boyfriend she’s loyal to
- is just on bad mood, something bad happened lately and she will be impolite for everyone.
- is just on bitchy mood all the time and will f@#k off anyone
- Tens of other Reasons…
So don’t take it personally, as it’s more likely something like that than you.
And even if they wouldn’t be attracted to you, so what? You can’t please everyone.
Just go for next one.
Different People, Different taste of Attraction
Everyone are attracted to different types of persons, both men and women. If the girl that rejected you wasn’t attracted to you, the next girl you approach may find you very attractive. I have those type of stories, I’ve probably written them here already.
I approached once woman at bar. She replied “F@#k off”. I was like “okay” and approached next one immediately. She was instantly attracted to me and we made out in minutes.
You can’t never know what happens when you go for it. It can be trash or gold, but if you never find out, you get nothing back. To fight against these visions of getting rejected, don’t think about future.
Neither think about past. Think now, this moment.
It’s always numbers game.
You have to deal with it that there will be some harsh rejections, there will be polite refuses, and there will be girls who will be attracted to you. It’s just being in right place in right time. To boost the factors, just approach until you get there. F@#k the rejections, pass them.
I myself get success after average every 10 approaches. So I face 9 rejections in default. Can be more of course. I don’t give f@#k about them, I know that I will get rejected, but I move on and finally at some point there will be a gold after trash.
If you are in your early twenties, there is 10 years from 20 to 30. That’s 520 weeks. Which means 520 weekends. Every weekend you decide to not go out there because of the fear, you are missing opportunities to be in right place in right time.
You are missing the experiences that life could be offering, because the fear is blocking you way. The fear is nothing. It’s all in your head. It’s bad fantasy. Face it, and you see it won’t hurt you. It’s only way to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
520 weekends, would you spent them with girls, or at home?
Does Pickup lines matter on Cold Approach?
The way you approach doesn’t matter. I have done so many approaches with most awkward way and still managed to get laid, that you don’t need to take a stress either you approached her with wrong angle or too creepy way.
Btw, if you are interested about some Pickup lines I have used, check this post to master the art of seducing women.
It’s the first minute you make an impression on her, that’s the time she decides either she would f@#k you or not.
If you do some awkward pickup line, you can make a joke of it and laugh with her on it. Like “haha sorry this was probably creepiest approach I ever done, not usually do like this but you were too irresistible and I hadn’t better way to get conversation with you”.
Opening Line #27 ~ “Are going to take a Shit?”
I once approached at Bar by climbing behind the sofa between two random girls and got laid.
I’ve also seen chicks with police uniforms at bars, approached them directly by locking their handcuffs on my and her wrist and saying something like “Sup, now we need to be together this whole night”.
I have seen women when they are going on toilet and open them with: “Are you going to take a shit?”. And got Laid…
So opening line is not so important as said above.
It’s about the vibe you give and how ballsy you can be. If you can keep the conversation flowing for first minute after cold approach and you act funny, flirty and playful without getting rejected, you are doing great.
After this point it’s up to you where you take things.
What about going for Cold Approach on Multiple Women?
Let’s say two women are sitting at bar on table. You go to sit on that table and say: “You both are hot. Can I sit here for a moment?”.
If they don’t reject, you are good to go.
If they do reject, you can just leave and laugh “okay haha sorry no problem”.
Don’t get pissed off if you get rejected. It’s fairly common to get rejection on cold approach.
Just ignore them and go for next women. Even if you get rejected brutally.
I remember nights where I went on woman and she replied “F@!# off”, go straight to next woman near and make out with her on minutes. The look on the face of woman that just rejected me was worth seeing. Showing some pre-selection, afterwards she tried to approach me. I of course rejected her and f@#ked the woman later I picked up.
Also, you don’t even need to open with all of the girls on that group, either there was 2, 3 or more. You can approach a one of them you are interested and keep conversation for few minutes, after that you can go talk with her friend and say something like: “I really like your friend, does it bother you if I take her from you?”.
Is it Creepy to approach from behind?
If you do this on street, yes, it is a creepy way to approach. Not meaning it won’t get you anywhere. Example:
approach from behind
Me: “Hello, how are you?”
Her: frightened and confused look on her face.
Me: “Sorry if I scared you, was a pretty creepy way to approach you, just wanted to say you are cute”
Her: “Haha no problem. I thought who are you, have we met before”
Me: “haha, I’m just a stranger and this is very random, I rarely do this. My name is btw ….”
Read the Full Guide and Much More in “The Payer System“